I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As shirtless as possible
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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