Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
