What a fucking waste of an outfit
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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