This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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