Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
