New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
