She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I checked into jail on foursquare
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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