genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize