nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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