Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
