there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
