I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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