Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
