Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize