I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
