That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He felt like a one man threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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