Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
