Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
