We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize