Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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