This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
