your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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