im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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