dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
