I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
