One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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