they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize