Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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