Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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