summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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