Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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