Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
