On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize