It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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