he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
