Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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