We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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