I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
