i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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