so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
