I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
