bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
