Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
