and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
