Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
