so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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