It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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