god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
