It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't think brook has ever known best
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
