saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her vagine was all disorganized.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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