your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
