There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
