i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
