I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize