God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my being single is dangerous.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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