I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize