I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
