he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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