somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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