I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize