your room smells of hookers.
And success
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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