i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Randomize
