i was born a porn star she said
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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