i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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