I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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