I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
