Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
