We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
