would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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