We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
