I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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