"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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