why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
