this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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